A Hill Of Sand

Oak, Acorn, Childhood, Memories, Growing UpA few weeks ago, I visited an old friend and we watched the Eagles-Giants game together. The Giants played well and came away with a surprising victory on the road in Lincoln Financial Field. I see this guy once a year; he’s the last person I know in the town I lived in from age ten until I went away to college.

After the game, I took the long way back through town to Route 80 East, so that I might drive past the house I grew up in. The house is on a remote street in an area of densely wooded hills above the lake that gives the town its name. The short street, called a “trail,” like all the roads around it, isn’t a thoroughfare to anywhere else. If you’re driving on it, you’re visiting someone or something on the street. I drove slowly up a steep incline, saw the old house at the top, and saw, too, that the people next door were having a garage sale. This gave me an excuse to pull into my family’s former driveway, look up at the house for a moment, then back out and ease the car up to the house next door. I killed the engine and got out.

The garage sale people were a couple in their late twenties or early thirties with two kids, one on a small bicycle and the other an infant propped up in one of those ExerSaucer play centers. The wife was sitting on the steps by the front door. It was early evening, not quite 6pm, but it was September so there was still plenty of light.

“You saw one of our signs,” the woman said. “You’re one of the very few.”

“Signs?” I said. I was walking up the driveway. The husband was trying to maneuver a wooden cabinet onto a dolly.

“This town has very strict rules about signs. You can only have four, and they can’t be larger than one foot by one foot. They actually drive around and check.”

“Oh. I didn’t see any signs.” The older kid pedaled past me and out into the street. There were a couple of tables on the driveway, covered with the usual garage sale odds and ends, plus some appliances, kids’ toys, and flimsy looking pieces of furniture. “I was just,” I gestured vaguely, “driving around.”

“We’ve had maybe a dozen people all day.”

I looked around and saw a recliner, a dining table, and an entertainment center of the sort designed to hold a big picture-tube TV. I looked out onto the lawn and saw that a realtor’s sign was spiked into it. “You’re moving?” I said.

“Trying to. For nine months. All we get are rude bargain hunters.”

I went over to her husband and helped him lift the cabinet onto the dolly. “Bad housing market,” I offered. Their house was a small one, laid out on one floor, with, I remembered, one bath. Too small for a family of four, these days.

“Bad town,” the wife countered. “Worried about all the wrong things. Like garage sale signs.”

The husband started wheeling the cabinet away and I looked at the house next door. It was up a short, weedy incline, the long wall of its built-in garage facing us. There was a door off the side of the garage, but the little porch that it had opened onto was long gone. In its place was a row of four overflowing trash cans. A twenty-foot section of rain gutter was lying in the weeds below the cans. I had seen already that there was a ragged stretch of shingles and bare wood across the front of the house where the gutter had been.

Hopatcong, New Jersey, Childhood, Memories, Growing Up, Foreclosure, Housing MarketMy parents built that house in 1972, when there was only one other year-round house (and two summer cottages) on the street. The lot was situated in the midst of a slope that descended precipitously from the roadfront to the property line at the rear. There are plenty of ways to build a house into a slope so that it makes architectural sense, but the builders my parents contracted weren’t sophisticated in that way. They solved the problem by trucking in tons of sand and construction waste and plopping a two-story rectangle of a house on top of the pile of sand like a cherry on whipped cream. The fact that the town had no sewage system for wastewater disposal posed another conundrum which the builders addressed by suspending a septic tank a few feet behind the house in the hill of sand.

“That’s not even the worst of them,” the woman said, following my gaze. “The one across the street was abandoned almost a year ago. Owners just packed up and left.”

Our former house was sided with firehouse-red asbestos shingles, the use of which had been banned in new construction sometime in the mid-70s. This house still had them, though a great many were cracked and broken. There were no curtains or shades in any of the windows I could see. The driveway was unpaved and a car sat in front of the house under the picture window where a front lawn had once been.

A little further up and across the street was a house in better condition, though it was unmistakably vacant. A section of gutter was down here, too, collapsed across the driveway. The lawn had gone over to tall weeds. The Mannings, who had had lived there many years ago, had always seemed like nobility to my unworldly eyes. Mr. Manning was a burly, barrel-shaped man, covered with body hair. He was, I think, a salesman of some sort. The Mannings had a patio boat on the lake, a large, slow-moving craft on pontoons, essentially a sea-faring backyard deck adorned with folding chairs and life preservers. Over the years, the Mannings’ son’s things—a bedroom desk, a bicycle, a colossal Zenith black-and-white TV—would be handed down to me and my brother. I knew that the Mannings were sophisticated and worldly because Mr. Manning kept a stack of Playboy magazines in a magazine rack in the living room, glossy publications filled with pictures of naked ladies right out there in the open and no one was self-conscious or weird about it. They were just another thing, like the liquor bottles and glassware arranged on a sideboard and the framed pictures on the wall.

“That one there, at least people still live in it. They drink a lot of Rolling Rock, I can tell you that. I’m constantly clearing away the empties that roll down the hill.”

The woman was speaking again about our old house. The people who’d bought the house from my parents in the late ’80s had purchased a home in desperate need of major repairs, none of which were apparently ever made. On the opposite side of the house there had been another little wooden porch and a long flight of wooden steps. It had rotted away when my parents still lived there and never been replaced. Twenty-five years is a long time to leave a second-story door hanging in space on the side of your house.

The woman’s husband had returned from moving the cabinet into the garage. “You see anything you want, you can have it for half off,” he said. Some of the items around me bore strips of masking tape inked with prices. I made a show of flipping through some vintage CDs in a box. Smashing Pumpkins, Aerosmith, Spin Doctors. A dollar a piece.

“You want to buy a house?” his wife said. She seemed in the mood to talk. Twelve garage sale customers over the course of an entire day will do that, I guess. “We bought this house six years ago at the top of the market. Now we can’t get rid of it. No one can sell anything. There’s another foreclosed house at the other end of the street and plenty more in town.”

I looked up the street. The Cullens’ old house, perhaps. They’d had a family history of health issues, I remembered. How long it had been since the last of the neighbors we’d known up here had moved away from this area? Twenty years? It’s odd how I can recall the last names of our neighbors of decades ago, but I couldn’t tell you the last names of any of my current neighbors, most of whom I’ve lived among for twelve years now.

From where I was standing I could see only the side of the house next door and the corner of the property around the garage. I wondered what the back yard looked like. I wondered if my father’s work bench and shelves were still at the back of the garage. I couldn’t imagine, given the fact that nothing else had been changed or repaired in decades, that they wouldn’t still be there. I used to assemble the sunday papers, the Newark Star-Ledger, in that garage in the hours before dawn. In my teens, I would often stay up all night on a Saturday, watching as the network TV stations went off the air one by one until only CBS-TV’s Late Late Shows remained, creaky B&W stock comedies from the ’40s and ’50s like Where’s Charley? or the Thin Man mysteries.

Why was I staying up all night? I can’t remember. Though I do recall listening for the Star-Ledger distributor’s truck, which would deposit bundles of Sunday edition sections at the foot of our driveway at about 5am. I would assemble these sections (there was a pattern, the classifieds into the living section into the comics/magazine section into the news section), and then head off with the bulky papers (as many as I could carry, jammed into a cloth shoulder bag) out onto the rural streets as the sky shifted from black to purple to pink on the horizon.

“Looks like there might be a few code violations up there,” I said.

“You’d think so,” the woman said. She stood up and gathered her sleeping baby out of the ExerSaucer. “But nothing gets done. This town is run by thieves. Everyone’s trying to get out.”

Building code inspections must have been pretty lax forty years ago, too. Shortly after we moved in to our new house, it became apparent to my father that the sand dune our house was perched on was going wash away down the hill. The contractors who’d built the house had filed for bankruptcy as they were finishing the job, so my father was painting and nailing up sheetrock when he wasn’t driving fifty miles back and forth to his day job. So he sent me and my brother off into the woods around the house to gather big rocks, as many as we could find, and set them into the hill of sand in rows. My brother and I had lived all of our short lives in a tiny apartment in densely populated Bergen County, so our new surroundings were a revelation to us. We felt like explorers, like pioneers, building a homestead in the wilderness. All day we carted rocks up the hill, sweating in the July sun and listening to music from a small radio tuned to WABC Musicradio 77 on the AM dial. “Alone Again (Naturally),” by Gilbert O’Sullivan. “Candy Man,” by Sammy Davis, Jr. “Song Sung Blue,” by Neil Diamond. In the late afternoons in those first weeks, we would hear the sound of a bugle or horn being played somewhere off in the distance. I imagined myself on the frontier, where life was brutal and short.

It took a while, but eventually a lot of that sand would erode away. My mother tried to plant things on that hill, but sand is sand, and not much would grow there. In the ’80s, after I’d moved away, a few bad storms carved that hill up to the point where the septic system was exposed, and it stayed that way for a while. Talk about your code violations.

The husband had rejoined us and was starting to close up some of the boxes on the tables. I’m sure I didn’t have the look of someone who was going to buy anything. “I think we’re gonna call it a day,” he said.

“Sure, okay,” I said, retreating down the short driveway. I looked up at their little house; the wife was heading inside. I’d watched all of these houses go up in the ’70s. It was a hopeful time, a whole neighborhood springing up around us, middle-class families in their first houses, everywhere the rumble of bulldozers, then the roar of cement mixers as foundations went in, the shriek of table saws and the rap-rap-rap of hammers. My brother and I had played in every one of these houses as they were being constructed. We watched as guys in hardhats and toolbelts installed pipes and wires and sheetrock, then we returned in off hours to tightrope-walk the roof beams and carry away cast-off building materials for our own childhood projects. Somewhere in this particular house, I knew, was a small white Matchbox ambulance with a flip-open rear door, wedged between beams in the crawlspace.

“Good luck with everything,” I said, but the woman was gone and the man had walked back into the garage with a box. I got in my car and I drove away.

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Topics For Further Discussion

 

Seaside Heights, Aztec, God, Literary, OxyContinLeft-Handed Hummingbird God of War

Largely forgotten amidst the grandiose narrative of the destruction and plunder of the Aztec Empire by Spanish conquistador Hernan Cortez in the early 16th century are the stories of those invading Spaniards who, upon first encountering the religion of the Aztec people, grew enamored of the indigenous peoples’ pantheon of gods and goddesses, and enthusiastically converted to the Aztecs’ religion. Today, savvy tourists can still seek out the Mexican storefront churches and street-corner shrines where the ancient rites of the polytheistic Aztec religion are observed, albeit infrequently, according to the Aztec calendar. It is said that Huitzilopochtli, the Left-Handed Hummingbird God of War and Sacrifice, lives modestly and plainly in a small apartment in Mazatlan, where he is sometimes visited by his old friend Quetzalcoatl, The Feathered Serpent. The once revered deities are said to enjoy watching American baseball on pirated Direct TV, bowls of nuts and sweaty cans of Tecate on a TV tray between them.

Night Out

If not for the fact that I sleep poorly most nights, I would have remained blissfully unaware of these facts. On certain clear nights in the early spring, the shadows beneath the elms on my estate rotate on fixed axes across the lawn until they bear no congruent relation to any sources of light (the moon, a single halogen streetlamp) in the vicinity. When the moon reaches its apex, a single cab, its roof light extinguished, rolls slowly up to the curb and the shadows depart, en masse, for a night out on the town. Much later, in a still hour before dawn, the same cab returns and the shadows resume their stations at the bases of the trees, correctly aligned.

Rutgers, Livingston College, God, Aquaman, OxyContinOnce Removed

“My God,” she said, “look at your ass.”  We were sitting in chairs by the courtyard pool of the Best Western, the late-morning June sun blazing down upon us. “It’s jiggling all over the place. It’s obscene.” We were looking at the viewscreen of the digital camcorder we had used a few hours before to make a video of the two of us fucking. This wasn’t the kind of motel where people used the pool or even left their rooms very much. Every once in a while, a curtain would twitch in one of the windows along the balconies above us. “That may be the least erotic thing I’ve ever seen.” We were there to meet her sister, who was supposed to be bringing forty OxyContin tablets with her, but she was already almost two hours late. Much too late. “Next time, I get on top. You can just lay there, keep your flabby ass out of sight.” I wasn’t listening anymore, however, because two cops had appeared at the service entrance behind the pool. They were talking to the morning front-desk manager and looking over at us. I turned off the video and lifted the camera so that the cops floated up into the viewscreen. They looked less threatening, less portentous, this way, once removed.

At The Third Annual National
Conference of Literary Sock Puppets

“… I don’t want to give it away, but this is an absolute show-stopper of a novel with insights into the human condition that defy any attempts to put it down. I spent six hours inhaling every word. My GOD. You know how you slow down when a great read starts to come to an end. I did that. Uh huh. Love story, thriller, paranormal and yet relevant to our times, and it all seemed so effortless, as though I were watching a film. This masterful novel breaks your heart amd yet lifts you. All told, it reminds me of a blend of Jodi Picoult, Stephen King and Elizabeth Berg. Funny, amazing, strange and beautiful, and now I see VANITY FAIR has named it as a hot read for Jan 2011. I’ll say. I’m recommending this one to everyone I know who asks, “What should I read next?” LORD HAVE MERCY this author is on fire and please, don’t let anyone put her out, because I need to know what is next, like I need her next book RIGHT. NOW. The mystery kept on and on and yet never felt strained or obtuse. More, more, more, more. I … is my time up? Why, yes, I am a real person. Are you? Well, I don’t see why …”

Celestial Washcloth

I have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord, and it’s damned exasperating, is what it is. It’s been a few hundred billion years since God has wandered upstairs to this remote scattering of galaxies, and the place is a mess. You turn your back for a few eons and everything goes to hell. You get this weird particulate matter swarming and seething all over these worlds that were perfectly clean just yesterday, cosmically speaking. So there’s nothing else to do but wet a celestial washcloth and get to work.

Jersey Shore, Sandy Hook, God, Literary, Sock PuppetAquaman In Decline

The footing is tricky, here on the sea bottom, beneath the tall sea windows, shedding their half-sea light.  Everywhere are the tomes, the shelves and shelves of tomes, the secret stories of the vanished tribes, the lives and times, the secret essence, of the lost people of Atlantis, wiped from history, as if they’d never existed, forgotten forever here on the sea bottom. Once, their civilization waxed mighty, basking in the surface light of a benevolent sun, but the world shifted its massive shoulders, a colossal indifferent shrug, and their time passed away and they were lost, irrevocably, to the pages of history, and only one, Aquaman, fins and flits among the ruins, his heart heavy, his dreams a yellowing screen cluttered with the shifting shapes of ghosts, silent, extinct.

The Revolution This Time

 

Occupy Wall Street, We Are the 99 Percent healthcare retirementMaybe nothing will be accomplished at the Occupy Wall Street demonstrations and marches. Maybe the whole thing will dissolve into riots and chaos and looting. Maybe the cops will finally arrest enough people to cripple the event’s momentum. Maybe nothing will change at all and corporations will keep banking their profits and shipping jobs overseas, while the big banks privatize obscene profits and socialize all the losses attendant upon their gaming of the system.

But at least someone is standing up and saying something.

Until last weekend, if you read anything about the Occupy Wall Street demonstrations now going on in Zuccotti Park (re-named Liberty Square by the protestors) you read that it was a silly, unfocused bacchanal staged by a few hundred disaffected hippies. That’s what Citibank and President Obama  and the GOP and the New York Times want you to think. Never mind the usual cranks like Glenn Beck and Rick Perry and Tea Party “revolutionaries” whose idea of revolution begins and ends with being personally exempted from paying taxes (like their free-market heroes at General Electric). It’s Lockheed Martin and CNN and Aetna who want you to think that the problem with America is selfish Americans who aspire to some kind of affordable living wage and access to universal healthcare that might prevent them from being financially destroyed by their next illness.

So for a week what you saw in the media was, “Ha, ha, look at the dirty hippies and weirdos,” and “Why don’t you get a job?”

We Are The 99 Percent, Occupy Wall Street, banks, corporationsBut then old people whose savings were wiped out showed up, and the people who work fifty and sixty hours a week and still don’t make enough money to lift themselves above the poverty line (in a city where 20% of the population exists below the poverty line) showed up. And then the broken Iraq and Afghanistan war veterans showed up and and the people with PhDs and $75,000 student loans that have ballooned into $200,000 debts due to bank fees and penalties showed up. Oh, and the Marines showed up—to protect the protestors. On Wednesday, the unions are showing up.

And what can the corporations and the banks really say? It’s been three years since the global financial institutions drove the economy off a cliff, and not one act of legislation has been passed to rein them in. No one went to jail except Bernie Madoff, who had the temerity to steal from rich people. Months after the self-inflicted calamity, it was business as usual on Wall Street, with the biggest firms handing out eight- and nine-figure bonuses to executives who apparently must be retained at any cost.

What can Barrack Obama say? All of his biggest donors are Wall Street bankers; all of his “financial advisors” and “job czars” are the same Goldman Sachs and General Electric CEOs who created the crisis. On the GOP side, it’s all about breaking unions and cutting spending. Even if Congressional Republicans would let a true banking reform bill reach Obama’s desk, he’d never sign it.

We Are The 99 Percent, Occupy Wall Street, protest, Social SecurityMeanwhile, the big banks borrow money at 0% interest from the US government (the Federal Funds Rate has been at zero, since December 2008), then lend it to cash-strapped Americans at interest rates of 14.99%. The Bankruptcy Abuse Prevention and Consumer Protection Act of 2005, signed into law by George Bush in 2005 as a means to make declaring bankruptcy more difficult for ordinary Americans, remains in effect even as the banks themselves have demonstrated their willingness to shake down those same Americans for hundreds of billions the moment the big banks’ bottom lines are threatened by their own malfeasance. Banks, in collusion with colleges, have presided over a system in which college fees and tuition have risen 439% since 1982, while student loan borrowers remain the only class of borrowers who have no recourse to bankruptcy protection. Americans have grown used to the fact that their 401(k)s grow in small increments during good times and plummet precipitously during bad times.

So now somebody is saying something. And Big Business and the bankers are silent, fully expecting, like dozens of Hosni Mubaraks, to wait out the tempest with the help of the media and the police and the politicians of both parties. But the people in the street, the “99 percent,” burdened with unrepayable debt and with little hope for the future, have nothing left to lose. If the revolution this time fails, it lays the groundwork for the success of the next one.

Critics (mostly on the right) admonish the protestors for being unrealistic. “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you,” they say. But these people are past all that now. The younger protestors are part of a Lost Generation that graduated from college to find a barren employment landscape. They’ll never catch up to the lifestyles their parents and grandparents enjoyed. The older people are disenfranchised in their 40s and 50s; many will never again work in any real career or professional capacity at all. They have nothing for retirement. The hand stopped feeding these people a long time ago.

Here’s a photo blog over at WeAreThe99Percent of desperate, protestors and those similarly effected, who have written out their doleful stories for the world to see. Look at all the dirty hippies, too lazy to get jobs:

We Are The 99 Percent

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Related: Attack Of The Very Serious People

Oak & Acorn 3: The Whirlwind

Tropical Storm Gustav, AutismSometimes I think nothing will ever be enough.

The endless minute-by-minute supervision, the careful management of his every waking moment.

The therapists, the IEP classroom aides, the specialized summer camp, the 24-hour-a-day awarding of “points” for every quiet, decent hour; the deletion of  “points” for his scarifying outbursts. The detailed accounts of meltdowns written by grammar school attendants who are clearly wearying of him.

He was conceived in the midst of an enormous storm, three days filled with bad omens.

We had a daughter by then, a beautiful, empathetic, sweet child, almost three years old, but my wife and I were already stumbling badly as 2000 turned to 2001 into 2002. In 2000, I walked away from a dead-end publishing job (Prentice Hall, it had 9 months to live) for something else that had even less of a future. I was out of work for six months, bringing in freelance money for book jackets and such, during the Christmas Where No One Spoke.

But the storm, I was talking about the storm. The rain fell and it fell and it fell. We were trapped in a house in the Cat’s Ridge section of Ocracoke Island in the Outer Banks. The floodwaters rose over the streets and crept around the borders of our rental house. My father-in-law and I moved our cars to the last, highest hump of grassy knoll and watched as the tide rose up to the tires of our cars. It was a relief to be outside, buffeted by 60-mile-an-hour winds and driving rain; the heavy weather inside our rental house was much worse.

I was working again by September of 2002, at a job I still hold today, and so maybe it was some sense of euphoria that moved us to do what we did. We both wanted it, we both very specifically had the same goal.

After the storm passed, Tropical Storm Gustav, I packed and packed and packed. I refused to stay in the same room for more than a moment. I had driven over some sort of PVC piping in the yard and broken it. It was a relief and a release to go to the hardware store in town and buy new pipe, and replace the broken plastic. We fled that island like refugees from a catastrophe.

Most days are fine here, now. Other days are not. He has taken to hitting his sister. His sister copes by being overtly solicitous of us all. She is the facilitator of some kind of “normal life” for us all. Some times I look at my son and he looks at me and I can see him calculating. Sizing me up. He has a talent for the cutting remark. A bad day announces itself when my daughter runs out to the car when I come home and strikes up a desperately cheerful line of conversation. Today, my son announced, as he has before, that “he’s going to kill us all.” Today, I took all of his Xbox games back to the GameStop and gave them away. Tomorrow will be bad. It’s going to be really bad.

I am not innocent in all of this. Autism, they say, is latent in preceding generations. I look at him and I see all of my own failings. This series, Oak and Acorn, is not haphazardly named.

My son was conceived in a whirlwind. Sometimes I can’t see the future.

Related:  Oak and Acorn 2

Related:  Oak and Acorn

 

 

 

15 Songs for the End of Summer

So I was out at the beach locker in the pavilion at Spring Lake the other day, pulling out chairs and sand toys and body boards in preparation for our trip to Ocracoke Island in the Outer Banks. It was a gray rainy Monday; the boardwalk was silent and the building was unoccupied but for the elderly woman who checks badges at the entrance.

I carted out the first load of stuff to the car and then returned for more.  As I was climbing the steps out of the bowels of the pavilion with the second load, the woman looked up from her book.

“Moving out?” she said.

I was about to say, “Oh, no, we’ll be back.” But then I paused and counted the days and realized that, at best, we wouldn’t be back until the few days before Labor Day. The lockers close on the day after Labor Day. They’re tearing this old pavilion down in the fall, this outmoded edifice of ancient yellow brick, warped wood, and flaking paint by the Jersey Shore, and building a new one.

“Well,” I said, instead, “We might bring a chair or two back.” And then I humped the last of the beach stuff out to the car.

That’s the way summer is. One day you’re sitting on the beach in a swimsuit and sweatshirt, marveling as your children frolic in Memorial Day surf that’s still too cold for you to even dip a toe in. And then comes another day when you sense something, the quality of the light or a damp clammy breeze off the dunes at your back, and you think “Oh, right, autumn.” No matter how vigilant you are (and I’m more obsessed with the passing of time than most people), the end always sneaks up on you.

At any rate, here’s fifteen songs for the end of summer. Because you need these kinds of songs, when the days grow shorter and the shadows lengthen. Text-linked You Tube audio in each entry.

Nick DrakeNick Drake: Saturday Sun

Saturday Sun

The elegiac piano, the retreating sun, remembrances of people in their season and time, Sunday weeping for a day gone by. It’s all there.

 

Paul Simon Art GarfunkelSimon & Garfunkel: April Come She Will

April Come She Will

The whole damned arc of the season, framed in terms of an intimate relationship, in just a few choice phrases, over the space of a minute-fifty. Man, that’s economy.

 

wild nothing shoegazeWild Nothing: Summer Holiday

Summer Holiday

What? Too melancholy for ya? Slap this slice of up-tempo guitar chime and yearning vocals from wistful fuzz-poppers Wild Nothing onto the turntable. Here, from last year’s Gemini, it’s all about memories of summer holiday at your lover’s parents’ house and sneaking out of your separate rooms in the middle of the night for some quality time. In short, it’s what being eighteen is all about.

shelley fabares annette funicelloShelley Fabares: Lost Summer Love

Lost Summer Love

Fabares had a #1 single in February of 1962 with “Johnny Angel.” Later that same year, she released a second LP on the Colpix label, The Things We Did Last Summer, that includes a number of “summer’s past” laments (the title track, “See You In September,” a cover of the Brian Hyland summer weeper “Sealed With A Kiss”), none of which appeals to me much. Two years later, transplanted to the Vee-Jay label, she released a non-charting single, “I Know You’ll Be There,” that features “Lost Summer Love” on the flip. I originally encountered it on a Varese Sarabande compilation. “Summer is over/ And we have parted/ Nothing is left of, oh/ The dreams we started.” An almost martial drum beat, ethereal vocals, nifty horn break. What else do you want?

frank sinatra dean martin rat packFrank Sinatra: The September Of My Years

September Of My Years

The great grandaddy of them all in the Autumnal Reminiscences Canon. Sinatra was turning 50 in December of 1965, the season when this LP appeared. Virtually anything here (the title song, “Last Night When We Were Young,” “It Was a Very Good Year,” “When The Wind Was Green”) could fit in this slot on your playlist. This song, with its opening stanza, “One day you turn around and it’s summer/ Next day you turn around and it’s fall/ And all the winters and springs of a lifetime/ Whatever happened to them all?” will do just fine.

the cure robert smith U2The Cure: The Last Day of Summer

The Last Day Of Summer

Robert Smith in high melancholy mode. Lyrics self-explanatory.

 

 

terry jacks one hit wonderTerry Jacks: Seasons In The Sun

Seasons In The Sun

Yeah, what’s your point? Damn right, it’s hard to die “when all the birds are singing in the sky.” I cry everytime I hear this song. Technically, “spring is in the air,” but not for Rod McKuen, the wordsmith here.

belle sebastianA Summer Wasting: Belle & Sebastian

A Summer Wasting

Not everyone’s regretting lost opportunities and good times slipped away. Twee-poppers Belle & Sebastian know the values of loafing, and they’re perfectly okay with “Seven weeks of river walkways/ Seven weeks of reading papers/ Seven weeks of feeling guilty/ Seven weeks of staying up all night.” “I Know Where The Summer Goes,” from one of the early B&S EPs, would also fit nicely here.

Dave Alvin Blasters XFourth Of July: Dave Alvin

Fourth Of July

Dave Alvin replaced Billy Zoom in X just in time to participate in sessions for the lackluster See How We Are LP in 1986. Dave brought “Fourth Of July” with him, however, and it was easily the best song on the record. Even better was the version he cut for Romeo’s Escape, the solo album he released in the same year. And don’t be deceived by the date, this one’s definitely about the end of everything.

Bruce springsteen e street bandBruce Springsteen: 4th of July, Asbury Park (Sandy)

4th of July, Asbury Park (Sandy) (Live)

Spanish Johnny’s slipping out the window, Kitty left with Big Pretty, the circus is pulling out of town, and the boardwalk life for Bruce is through. Everybody’s leaving in Springsteen’s The Wild, The Innocent, and the E- Street Shuffle. Time to roll down the security gates on the Asbury Park arcades, and drag the lifeguard chairs under the boardwalk. Season’s over.

doors jim morrisonThe Doors: Summer’s Almost Gone

Summer’s Almost Gone

Dig that tinkly chamber pop electric piano from Ray Manzarek on the intro. Wistful, eh? Then Robby Krieger starts twisting guitar notes into yearning shapes, and we’re good to go.

 

tom waitsTom Waits: Town With No Cheer

Town With No Cheer

Here’s one to send your Labor Day Party guests scrambling for the exits. March 21st is the last gasp of summer in Southern Australia, in some dusty nowhere station between Melbourne and Adelaide.

 

bob dylanBob Dylan: Summer Days

Summer Days

“Summer days and summer nights are gone,” but Bob Dylan “know[s] a place where there’s still somethin’ going on.” His Bobness has been engaged in his Never Ending Tour for more than twenty years now (appearing at every minor league ballpark, state fair, bowling alley, and laundromat across America) and he’s got no quit in him.  He’s “standing on the table,” he’s “spending every dime,” he’s “got [his} hammer ringin'," he's "got eight carburetors ... and [he's] usin’ ‘em all.” Probably scare Belle & Sebastian half to death.

casiotone painfully aloneCasiotone for the Painfully Alone: Green Cotton Sweater

Green Cotton Sweater

They say you can find anything on the Internet, and here’s your proof. The 15th and last track on the Town Topic EP, buried behind a list of B-sides, instrumental versions, and unlikely ringtones, “Green Cotton Sweater” is an archetypal tale of a summer’s romance ended.

dusty springfieldDusty Springfield: Summer Is Over

Summer Is Over

And, finally, Dusty. I’m writing this on the breezy porch of an Ocracoke Island house in late August. There’s a flock of ducks waddling across the street to drink from the air conditioner run-off beside the back stairs, the wife and kids have walked off to get some ice cream at the harbor store; it’s time to fire up the grill for dinner; and the living is good.

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The Vampire Squid Speaks

So it turns out that there are two kinds of vampire squids.

There’s the vampire squid that “is wrapped around the face of humanity, relentlessly jamming its blood funnel into anything that smells like money,” and there’s the vampire squid that does the same thing while also taunting you with outright lies and insults.

Henry J. Paulson, former CEO of Goldman Sachs and former US Secretary of the Treasury, is the second kind of vampire squid. His Eminence stepped down from the clouds briefly to speak with the the NY Times’ Andrew Ross Sorkin about the real cause of our now double-dipping Great Recession. His take?

“Many of the Western democracies — including the U.S. — have a problem that voters want benefits they don’t want to pay for,” Mr. Paulson said.

Thanks for the heads-up, Henry!

See, it’s not about the fact that visionaries like Henry pay 15% federal tax on their income (capital gains, you know) while the rest of us pay 25% and 28% payroll tax on ours.

It’s not the fact that middle-class taxpaying Americans doggedly pay into Social Security and Medicare programs all of their working lives, while bankers immediately demand taxpayer bailouts the instant their clumsy, ham-handed attempts to game the system result in possible quarterly losses and forfeiture of their year-end bonuses.

It’s not the fact that financial institutions like Goldman Sachs are raping everyone from Greece to Jefferson County, Alabama to student loan borrowers that are caught up in an endless cycle of new fees, penalties, and an ironclad no-bankruptcy policy that are driving young people to contemplate suicide.

It’s not the fact that we live in the midst of a lose-lose regulatory environment in which the titans of the financial industry privatize all profits and socialize all losses.

It’s that we, the American taxpayers, are greedy.

Related: Detours To Nowhere

Related: Attack Of The Very Serious People

 

 

The Curious Case of Tiki Barber

There is something about Tiki Barber that resists connection, something that just won’t be loved.

On a Sunday night in September of last year, the New York Giants welcomed 30 players, coaches, and executives into the new Giants Ring of Honor in New Meadowlands Stadium. The fans cheered lustily for the great and the obscure alike, including Lawrence Taylor, who had recently been charged with felony statutory rape, the outcome of a sordid Holiday Inn encounter between Taylor, a vicious pimp, and an underage girl. But the same crowd booed Tiki Barber.

In June of this year, Plaxico Burress, a gifted wide receiver notorious for missing team meetings and sitting out practices to nurse vague injuries, was released from prison after serving eighteen months on a concealed weapons charge. A number of his teammates—including Brandon Jacobs and Justin Tuck—appealed to management to bring him back. When Tiki Barber announced his intentions to return to football for the 2011 season, no former teammate vouched for him. A couple went out of their way to deride him in interviews.

What is it with Tiki Barber that irks everyone so? In a town never much known for holding its sports heroes to high standards of morals, ethics or even sheer likeability, Tiki Barber is an anomaly. He just rubs everyone the wrong way.

Is it that he’s not perceived as a “team guy?” New York sports icons from Babe Ruth to Joe Namath to Alex Rodriguez have elevated “me first” to an art form, and done just fine. Lawrence Taylor crossed his own team’s picket line to play with strike-breaking “replacement players” in 1987. Is it because Barber is a dumb guy who thinks he’s smart? That never seemed to hurt Tom Seaver or Reggie Jackson much. Is it that he’s never won anything? See Exhibit A for Never Winning Anything: Don Mattingly. Hell, even Patrick Ewing gets more love. Is it that the family-friendly public image he once projected has been so thoroughly debunked? Well, hello, Mickey Mantle!

When he retired in 2006, Tiki Barber was only the third player in NFL history established as the career leader in both rushing yards and receptions for his team. The other two? Walter Payton and James Wilder, the latter for the expansion Tampa Bay Bucs. Barber is one of only three players in NFL history to gain more than 10,000 rushing yards and 5,000 receiving yards in a NFL career. The other two? Marshall Faulk and Marcus Allen. Barber owns a significant chunk of the Giants record book. In the last regular season game he ever played, the Giants made the playoffs in large part due to Barber, who rushed for 234 yards against the Redskins, still a team record. At the age of 30, he was, amazingly, better than he’d ever been. He was at the absolute peak of his game. For at least three years, from 2004 through 2006, it was simply astounding to watch him play.

And then he quit. Well, actually, he quit in October of that year, prompting his teammates to complain that he was turning the spotlight on himself in the midst of a playoff run. Then he blamed his premature retirement on humorless, red-cheeked taskmaster Tom Coughlin who, Barber complained, “demeaned and talked down to me.” Then he called Eli Manning “comical.” Then he had to go on TV, quivering rictus of a false smile pasted onto his face, and interview members of the Super Bowl Champion Giants team as they celebrated their victory just one year after his retirement.

There’s something in Tiki Barber that just won’t submit to good fortune. The Super Bowl thing may—or may not—have been out of his control. By then, he had already turned down an $11 million offer from Disney to do occasional Good Morning America features and be a featured analyst on ESPN. Instead, Tiki took considerably less money (about $300,000 per year) to join the Today show on NBC. He wanted to do “real news.” NBC News President Steve Capus said at the time that he thought Barber was “just going to light up the screen.” But doing real news made Tiki look shallow and stiff and uncomfortable, and soon he was relegated to the last hour of Today’s daily morning broadcast, doing features on ice-fishing and getting painted blue by small children.

Finally, last year, he took an ax to his formerly wholesome image, getting romantically involved with a 23-year-old NBC intern, after which he was sued for divorce by his wife of 11 years, even as she was eight months pregnant with twins. Goodbye Today Show. Goodbye to the semi-popular series of children’s books he’d authored with his twin brother Ronde.

Today, you could scour Google all day looking for a recent account of someone saying something nice about him. (Former coach Jim Fassel has offered him a shot at a job in the UFL.)  After retiring a year too early and un-retiring two years too late, he finds himself on the outside looking in. NFL training camps have opened and Tiki is still at home, still working out. Maybe a team beset by injuries at running back will take a flyer on him in the next week or two. Maybe he’ll find a home somewhere for one more year. As I post this, the rumor mill suggests that Tiki might go to the Steelers. Almost immediately, Steelers beat writers suggest the opposite.

Either way, the event that he had hoped to orchestrate, a kind of Roy Hobbsian comeback with himself in the Robert Redford role, has an audience of one. It’s an odd place for a Giant legend, one of the best running backs to ever play the game, to find himself in. Some people, for inscrutable reasons, are moved to throw it all away.

Related: The NFL Owners’ Lockout Lunacy

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Attack of the Very Serious People

 

Here’s one good thing about the pending arrival of a Mitt Romney Administration in January of 2013. At least we won’t have to hear about the deficit anymore.

If we’ve learned anything about the Republican style of governance in the last three decades, it’s this: The GOP runs up enormous deficits when a Republican is in the White House, then uses those same deficits as a means to shut down government when a Democrat is in the White House. Once Mitt Romney or Rick Perry or Jon Huntsman takes up residence in the Oval Office in 2013, you can bet it won’t be long before the deficit mania vanishes and the GOP returns to its previous philosophy so eloquently expressed by Vice President Dick Cheney in 2002: “Reagan proved deficits don’t matter.”

Deficits may not matter all that much in the long-term financial sense of things, but they make a nice sharp weapon for slashing holes in the social safety net beneath middle-class Americans when a Democrat is president. You’ll remember that it was the GOP demand for $270 billion in cuts to Medicare funding that precipitated the Newt Gingrich-led shutdown of government in 1995. Now we have another Democrat in the White House and the Republicans’ strategy is even more ambitious. Give us everything we want this time, they say (the usual basket of cuts to Medicare, Social Security, and a host of government services large and small) without any compromise whatsoever on our side (make the Bush tax cuts permanent, leave intact every tax subsidy and loophole under the sun for oil companies, hedge fund CEOs, and corporations) or we’ll default on America’s debt. Such a default would lower the country’s credit rating, freeze bond markets, make borrowing difficult or impossible, and jack up interest rates on all existing debt public and private, all in the midst of an ongoing recession. (Barely getting by in this economy while paying off a home equity loan at 3.9% interest? Try it at 14.9%.)

All in a day’s work for the party that turned a $230 billion government budget surplus in 2000 into a $438 billion deficit in 2008, while leaving an economy in ruins on January 20, 2009. But let’s not quibble over a few lost billions. All President Obama has to do now is agree to the GOP’s demands in every particular, and heck, maybe this economy won’t accidentally burn to the ground or anything, if you know what we mean. Failure to agree to these terms reveals that Obama simply “isn’t serious” about deficit reduction, in the words of House GOP leader John Boehner.

Well, thank goodness the “serious” people have finally arrived on the scene. Who doesn’t remember the good old days of 2000-2008 when these very same “serious” people were voting to raise the US debt ceiling seven different times under President Bush and sending massive C-130 cargo planes packed to the rafters with pallets of newly printed $100 bills to Iraq, then abandoning those pallets on Baghdad street corners, never to be seen again? Man, those serious people knew how to party.

But now it’s time for those serious people to get serious about government spending and they’ve got the political courage to spread the pain around. Of course, they don’t want to spread it too far. You can go nuts with that kind of thing. Hedge fund investors will continue to pay 15% federal tax on their income, while cable TV installers and office managers pay 28% on theirs. The US military budget, which exceeds the military budgets of all other nations on earth combined, is untouchable. Even the farm subsidies that our proud western and southern states are so dependent upon are off limits. (Paying farmers not to grow anything is evidently an unimpeachable national tradition.)

So instead let’s take an ax to Medicare, a healthcare insurance program that runs much more cost-efficiently than its counterparts in the private sector. And Social Security, a retirement program that Americans pay into all their working lives. (You’ll notice I haven’t yet used the word “entitlements.” These are insurance and retirement programs that Americans pay for. They are no more entitlements than the life insurance payout my family will receive when I die, based on the life insurance premium I pay every year.)

If only President Obama would get serious. And by serious I don’t mean the quaint gestures he’s made up til now, like draconian cuts in government services across the board, plus means testing for Medicare recipients and an eligibility rollback for Social Security to age 67. (In this robust economy, senior citizens have little trouble finding gainful employment well into their 60s.) These compromises, which have already stirred up a hornet’s nest in the Democratic rank and file, and have lowered Obama’s poll ratings among liberals, are such small change. It’s time to thing big!

After all, look at everything House GOP leaders John Boehner and Eric Cantor have already offered. They’ve offered to not push the world economy off a cliff. What more does the president want?

For Those Of You Scoring At Home

 

The other day, my wife reminded me that we had attended the May 14, 1996 game in which Dwight Gooden, then with the Yankees, had no-hit the Seattle Mariners. She didn’t remember all those details. I had to look them up. All she remembered was me patiently explaining—and explaining some more—the importance of Gooden’s achievement as the last outs were recorded. Monica and I were new to each other then, having met the previous fall.

How odd that I would forget that. It’s certainly the only baseball game of any historical significance I ever witnessed. I can dimly remember it now that I’ve been prodded to do so. (In an an odd statistical anomaly, no New York Met has ever thrown a no-hitter in their 49-year history, though two former Mets, Dwight Gooden and David Cone, have thrown no-hitters for the Yankees.)

I loved baseball as a boy. We played it eight months of the year, March through October, on the street in front of our house, in the municipal fields of our town, and in Little League. My father took me to games at Yankee Stadium. In March, when the new schedules were printed, I would study the tiny print of the little twice-folded piece of glossy paper, looking for TV games. In those days, the early to late  ’70s, WPIX-TV out of New York might show 45 to 50 games in a season, with a few others appearing on NBC’s (or, later, ABC’s) Monday Night Baseball. All the other games were relegated to the radio, which in those days meant WMCA, a very-low-wattage station at the very bottom of the AM dial. I can remember listening to games with my ear pressed flat to the speaker of my mother’s clock radio, my fingers making infinitesimal tweaks of the tuning dial to maintain some whisper of the play-by-play amid the rising and falling background tide of static.

Phil Rizzuto, Frank Messer, and Bill White called those TV games for the Yankees. When Frank Messer, the play-by-play man, would recap a play, he would explain it in terms of a scorecard. “That’s six unassisted to three for the double play, for those of you scoring at home,” or “Tidrow got a piece of that one, so score it one-six-three for the putout.” Messer was talking to kids like me who were assiduously marking up our scorecards at home as we watched the game.

Each year, I would buy a big wirebound pad of scoresheets at Ramsay’s Sporting Goods, the official kind stocked in the section with umpire’s chest protectors and rosin bags and such, and I would fill it up with carefully notated accounts of games. I’d follow a player’s transit around the bases by inking the lines around a tiny diamond in that particular inning’s slot on the grid. A dot in the center was a run scored. An F7 was a flyout to left, but a P7 was a shorter fly, a pop-up, also to left. An S7 was a sacrifice fly to left which, like a walk or a bunt, didn’t count as an at-bat. At the end of a season, I’d have 40 to 45 scorecarded games in my pad.

At the very height of my Yankee mania, I would cut the Yankee stories out of the local paper, the Daily Advance, and tape them into binders. I lived and died with those Yankees: Graig Nettles and Elliot Maddox, Jerry Kenney and Fritz Peterson, Mickey Rivers and “The Stick,” Gene Michael. In 1976, my mother, who knew nothing of baseball, wore a Yankee cap as I watched the Yankees play the Cincinnati Reds in the World Series. It didn’t help. In 1979, my mother, who still knew nothing of baseball, cried when Thurman Munson died, seeing how devastated I was.

That 1996 no-hitter might have been the last major league game I ever went to. I can remember, in the early ’90s, growing increasingly disenchanted with the rowdiness, drunkenness and hostility of the Yankee Stadium crowds. (The expense-account salesmen and stockbrokers were the worst offenders.) I was one of those fans who never really came back after the strike-shortened 1994 season. My kids have never been to a MLB game, and show little interest in the sport. Owen’s Little League career lasted twenty minutes. Abby disdains all competitive sports and likes horses, drawing, fashion, and swimming, in roughly that order.

We go to one or two Lakewood Blue Claws games a year and sit among other families, content to ignore the specifics of the game and enjoy a night out under the stars, watching three people in rubber suits (Ham, Egg, and Cheese) chase each other around the field in a promotion for some diner or other. I can’t speak for the major leagues, but I know they don’t sell scorecards at the Blue Claws’ home field. No one’s huddled over a pad, alternately penciling in facts and keeping an eye out for foul balls.

Tonight, I’ll watch an inning or two of the All-Star Game, something I try to do every year. In my youth, the All-Star Game was a magical thing, a chance to see confrontations that could exist nowhere else. Rod Carew, a guy who barely got a sniff of the post-season, trying to get a hit off Don Sutton. Amos Otis against Steve Carlton. Willie Stargell versus Catfish Hunter. The National League was mysterious to me then, with its players glimpsed only occasionally on Monday Night Baseball or Mel Allen’s This Week in Baseball recap show. That’s all gone, too, in an era when the Yankees play the Mets as often as they play the Kansas City Royals, and every game, everywhere, is on TV somewhere.

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8 Things I’ll Be Doing Less Often In My 50s

 

There’s nothing like writing a blog to compress the timeline of your life. I see my birthday has come round again. Forty-nine. One last year of being far too young for the AARP. One last year to wrap up whatever it was I was doing in my 40s. Herewith, a short list of things I was doing in my 40s that I won’t be doing as much in my 50s.

Reading bad books. When I was younger, I was a relentless finisher of books. If I started something, I finished it, damn it, no matter how perplexing/boring/off-putting it was. In 1976, when I was 14, I picked up a copy of Gravity’s Rainbow from the paperback rack at the local Jamesway and I read all 800 pages of that fucker without comprehending a single word. Same with The Tin Drum. And Giles Goat Boy. The Golden Notebook. I could go on. Man, I don’t do that shit anymore. If a book is clearly going nowhere, a red flag goes up in my head at about page 100. At page 200, I’m entering Disengagement Mode. And that’s it. Life is too short for bad books. I should say here that I’m completely immune to most genre books, YA titles (ever notice how all of our parents weren’t reading the Hardy Boys or Nancy Drew when we were kids?), and any book where the author’s name is bigger than the title. I’m also just as likely to be re-reading a book I enjoyed twenty years ago as I am to be reading anything new.

Going to any club or establishment that has hourly drink specials. Op. cit.: Too Old For The Club.

Running. I hope this isn’t true, but I can’t ignore the accumulating evidence. Last week, I was clocking in a typical easy-peasy 4-mile run, when I noticed my thigh was hurting at the 3.6 mile mark. By the 3.7 mile mark, I was completely broken down. Groin pull. I’ll try to rest it a week and go next Friday, but I don’t like my chances. Last summer, it was an inflamed and balky right ankle that checked in after the Asbury Park Half Marathon and lingered through June and July. Isolated incidents? Maybe. But I know that the surest indicator of future injuries is past injuries. That’s how careers end in professional sports. And that’s how running ends, too. I’ve already permanently eliminated my 10-mile training runs and cut way back on 6.5 mile training runs, trying to save everything for the official races. Will that help? We’ll see.

Buying tiny jars of strained/juiced/blended food. Eight years ago, my wife and I had a three-year-old daughter and a baby boy on the way. I did (and still do) all the weekly shopping and that meant a cart full of glass jars of every godawful crap imaginable—mixed peas and guava, strained apricots and sweet potato, mashed ham and jellied lark’s tongues. It was all just future baby poop in a jar. Those days are over now, but sometimes, in a distracted moment as I’m wheeling my cart around an aisle cap of diapers, I’ll find myself musing, Hey, that’s a pretty good sale price on Huggies Baby Wipes.

Collecting things. Everyone reaches that point in their lives where they realize that’s it’s time to stop storing things up (in my case, records and books) and start letting them go. For me, that age was 45. I was surrounded by things that were just gathering dust. I was never going to listen to that redundant 3-CD Grateful Dead live set (University of Northern Iowa! 1978!). I was never again going to lift and crack open that copy of The Sun Also Rises. (It’s Fitzgerald for me, always Fitzgerald.) By the time I met my wife in 1995, it was taking me two full days just to pack up and transport my books and music every time I moved. I don’t move every two years anymore, but all that stuff is gone all the same. The vinyl went first, over three years to a radio station that dumps it at record fairs. Then the books, to the Sea Bright Public Library, which takes books one week of the year, in August. The CDs are a work in progress. They go out to eBay, and I have about 3,000 left. give or take. Old age brings with it plenty of lessons. Here’s one: Everything Must Go.

Reading the news. The older you get, the more the future becomes someone else’s problem.

Getting drunk before noon. This one’s largely out of my control because Rutgers home football games, which once started inevitably at 12noon or 1pm, now start all over the clock. It’s true. There are now so many TV sports stations on cable that even the Scarlet Knights are much more likely to be playing at night or in the late afternoon than under the chill noonday sun of autumn. For decades, me and my fellow RU alumni have gathered on the fields outside of Rutgers Stadium to celebrate the onset of another Knights loss with a cooler (or three) full of beer. In the old days, that meant a 9am tailgate for a 12:30 game. Now, it’s much more likely to be a noon tailgate for a 3pm game. Or 3pm for a night game. Still, though, that freshly popped 9am can of Miller Lite just smells like higher education to me. I have hopes for a Key West Half Marathon after-party in January (in full swing by 10:30am), but we’ll have to see.

Blogging. Christ, this shit is a lot of work. You have no idea. I should transition this entire long-form blog format to something else. Joke of the Day or some crap, like everybody else.